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Like becoming a parent for the first time, you kind of just dive in with little idea how it will actually be. If you are planning to be a full time dad, there are a few things you should know – here is my take on things any stay at home dad needs to consider first. Be a SAHD, not sad!

If you are the kind of person who loves your job and thrives on work, it will hit you hard – think about why you are making this move and make sure it is something you want to do. The pros outweigh the cons but there are definitely cons.

• Planning to work part time: Unless you have really reliable help with the kids, working part time is going to be very difficult. Finding reliable help that can match your commitment to your part time gig might be tough. If you have your mom nearby that might work. Otherwise you may have to put your child in daycare of some sort to ensure you get focused time away.
• Being realistic: Some people envision the SAHD gig to be pretty easy. My wife tells me daily that “I have the life”, and I’m sure she envisions me doing lots of fun one-on-one happy activities with the kids, sipping coffee, going to the gym. If you think you’ll have all your time to do stuff with kids, or time to do other things, guess again. I had 4 kids at home last year and 3 this year. I get about one request every 5-10 minutes, dress kids, wipe bums, bath kids, clean messes, explain stuff, do laundry, dishes, cooking, shopping, planning, playing, transport, preparation for school and pre-school, pay bills, answer the phone…you get the idea. From 6am to 8pm I have very little free time. Even when I have a “nanny” 4 hours a week, I usually have to use that time for errands, doctor, dentist, etc. When I stay at home to try and do this kind of thing on nanny day, the kids are still constantly in my office asking for bananas, water, to play on my computer, to ask questions, to ask me to play soccer, and on and on. If you are home, get the housework done quickly and spend time having fun with your kids. Don’t expect to get work done or you’ll feel stressed.
• On housework: You have to do it. Plan it, get it out of the way. Get good at quick meals and multitasking. Only do dishes once a day. Buy a cordless vacuum. Tell your spouse to get realistic about housework and her contribution, as the roles will change and you’ll feel like a 1950s housewife.
• On meals: We like our kids to eat healthy – no fast food except on road trips, seldom do we do takeaway, no processed foods to speak of. I’ve taken a liking to meals that simmer, and doing things like cooking baked potatoes in the oven on a timer so I can just forget about them. The sooner you get the meal prep out of the way, the more relaxed you will be.
• Daily routine: I try to plan activities for the morning. Get them out of the house – a whole day at home is a looooooong long day for everyone. I drop my daughter at school then take the other kids to do something. Twice a week they go in the gym day care for an hour while I work out. Once a week we swim at the pool. Today we played soccer by my daughter’s school. I take them grocery shopping. On hot days we go to the mall. Relax and take your time. Make them pee when they arrive anywhere…all at the same time so you don’t have accidents to deal with or emergencies. I make lunches the night before and take them with me – letting the kids eat when and where they want. We come home in the afternoon and they are happy to just play after a busy morning, and those who nap do it after lunch. No sleeping after 3pm.
• Networking: When I lived in Melbourne I had a great network of stay at home dads and it was fantastic – even a fortnightly meet-up is enough to get your adult conversation quota filled. I arrange play dates with other moms. I know my neighbours. Get out there.
• Chill out: Let kids be kids – let them eat and sleep what and when they want (but if day sleep keeps them up at night, I don’t let them sleep more than 15 minutes in the car). Let them walk slowly. Let the play with dirt and stuff they find on the ground. Let them pick up the sandwich they dropped on the mall floor and eat it. It won’t kill them. Pick your battles and only insist on the important stuff. Organise your schedule so you don’t have to rush. I drop my boys to pre-school late so I don’t have to drive like a madman. It’s OK to be late.
• Enjoy it: Many days seem to go on and on, sometimes the stress levels peak. But before you know it they will be sullen teenagers who don’t want you around. Enjoy them as much as you can now that they need and want your attention. Listen to what they say, as they have a perspective and world view that you can’t possibly match. Get all the hugs you can. Play with them. Get them involved. You’d be surprised what they can do.

My wife says she wishes it was her. Every guy I meet says they wish they had the chance to do what I’m doing. I definitely know my kids better now than when my wife and I both worked and had a full time nanny for a brief time. I am lucky, and if you can afford to make it work, you will be lucky for the opportunity as well.

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